I am soo lovvvving everything. :)
Yes. I'm not really all smiles lately.. it's just.. uhm.. everything is OKAY. And it's kind of awkward in a way that I don't quite get it..


You see, there's this feeling that I missed the bull's eye again. :| And it's irritating. :| You always want to do what's best, yet you FAIL. Fail for the nttttthhhhhh time now. :|
Was I failing or not??? I don't knowwww yet cos I still am falling at that :)) Not yet certain.. But then.. I see myself falling from the hundredth floor.. and still falling.. haven't stopped yet.. still have the chance to pull open the parachute.. and yet undecided.. :|:|
Whichever way will I go, I bet it's more of my decision.. It's just that the heart is still battling with the mind and there are a lot of what if's goin on inside my system. :|
I hate this battle.. the battle of the heart and mind. It's difficult..
Whichever way you go, whichever way you pick.. it's more of you.. yourself.. you may suffer, you may be happy.. and it's all on your expense.. I'm tired of filling in every hole inside myself. :| It's really really hard but it's kind of helping me to be strong. :)

It's already 25th todayyyy!! :)
Merry Christmas everyone and yes, Happy Birthday to Jesus! :)
Yeyyyy!!
Saaaayaaaa! :)

Okay. First.. uhm..
Thanks to my titos and titas for the cash :D haha!
to my cousins and friends for the gifts :D
Tita leah for the candies!! :)

Not really THAT big boom excited.. but I feel like it's one thing I loved when I was a kid.. Something I looked forward to. :) And now I'm a bit older and yes, not a kiddo anymore, I can see that people change.. As for me and for my cousins... :)) We don't look forward to this reunion thingy anymore cos we feel like it's stupid but come to think of it, me and my cousins just hang out for a couple of hours every once a year.. Isn't it sucky? :)) haha!

Oh well, I miss being a kid. :)
Double dose of gifts and money and candies and a lotta fun! :)
Now, it's just another mandatory thing we need to attend to :)) HAHA!
Sorry for being harsh. :))

Early this afternoon, kuya Maki and Kuya Jhay asked me if I wasnt to go with them to the mall. I declined cos we have this family event and I'm afraid I'd be late.. So there.. Maybe next time or next week we'll get to hang out again. :)

I feel awkward. :))
My relatives would be shocked to see me..
As I am a bit chubby this year unlike before :)) HAHA!!
My oh my.. whatever.. :))

Imma go.. Need to prepare for later.. :)

Having the thought of uhm.. battling with another issue, can't get rid of it? :|
yeahyeah.. It's kind of getting old.. and I'm starting to get used to it day by day.. What I was thinking and yeah, getting problematic of is that.. How furrrking long will this take?.. and It's not really easy.. I mean wait, do I have to deal with this forever?? :| This ain't fair alright. It's kind of killing every nerve of my inner depths. :|
haha!
i don't mean to be this emo person again, but it's like being a very disturbing cycle. :|

There's always this confusion going.. and it won't seem to end err stop at that. :|
It's always like this.. and How can I end up being stable if it all goes like this? :|

oh.. okay.. Enough of this and enough of the straight faces..
I just hope and pray that all will end well :)

and.. thank God I still have feelings ;>

I believe it.
It's true.
TAMAAAAA talaga. :|

Gathering muna. Kamustahan :"> nakakatawa lang..
Meeting for the camp..
Doodle time with bread and ketchup :D
haha!!

medyo nakakatawa kasi naglaro kami..
tas kamustahan lalo..
tas bumili ng mga stuff sa national for the camp..
tas dumaan kina Abi.. pero wala sya..
Pumunta sa bahay, umuwi muna si Dhave..
Pumunta kina kuya para kunin yung susi..
bumalik para matawagan ni Dhave..
pumunta sa bahay ng kapatid ko.. kumain ng maraming pagkain :))
bumalik dito para....... MAGLARO :))
bonding time at kung anu anu pa :))

bottom line is... WALA KAMING NAGAWA! :))
konti lang :))

i love this day. :D :">:">:">

Last night was a windy, chilly night with Tish, Ate Joy and Dhave
:D

I guess that's enough :)) :">:">:">:">:">:">

hahaha!

we visited the couples for christ.. then invited their kids for our youth camp ;)
yeyyy!

HAHA!
I so love weekends :)
Crap. I can't think of anything to say or write about..
My day was an OKAY day. :| hahaha! Nothing extra ordinary happened.. :D
plus, I already have the.. uhm.. 2009 planner slash journal :) LOVE IT :)

arrgh.. Just for the sake of posting something :)) haha!

Okayyyy.. So last night, I was like surfing the net, and for some reasons.. the phone rang and I was this lazy creature again and I don't wanna answer the phone.. Left no choice but did.. So there.. then heard a strange voice.. then it was like _ _ _ _ pala! =))))))))) OMGGGGGEEEEE!!!!
Superrrr duperrrr KILIG AKOOOO!!! mamamatay akoooo.
Then we talked for like uhm.. forever :)) hahahahaha!
bastaaaaa =))
ahahahahahhahahah!!

Oh yeahhh.. Have I mentioned anything about ME being a stalker? :)) ahahaha!! Like I knowwww it's creepy right? But then again, if stalking is like looking at the photos of your crush.. and uhm.. looking FOR MORRRE photos of your crush.. then that might be really stalking, and I'm partly doing a little of it :))
Puhlease. Pretend you didn't read anything about it. :| haha!

My day was ordinary.. Nothing special happened except that I think of my crush a lot. :| :)) haha!
So yeah.. Let's recap..

Morning was usual.. woke up really early.. :|:|:|
stomach ache. I'm super hungrrrrryyy.. :|
Math killed me :)) hahaha! brain dead for over 1 hour and 30 minutes.. then *snap* I'm back again!
CWTS- we watched Miracle Worker.. :) I have watched that before.. oh well. :) Still touches me every now and then..
Kat, Bea and Dice are like trying to bug me about cutting my last class. It's really tempting and goy it really really really WAS tempting.. :|
I was like "okayyy..let's go to tri.." then.. Nung palabas na kami sa school, I was like "no. Can't cut for speech comm you guys.. Have to go back! :))" Sobrang impulsive lang din kasi ng utak ko.. hahahah!
Tas yun na. Mabilis ang araw ko.. at umuwi na ko agad.. dahil... feeling ko mapapagod ako buong buhay ko sa MC :| :)) haha!
That's it.

Okayy...
My day started like any other day.. I was just bored and I texted Tish.. And told her that I'm free and we MUST go out cos I can't go out like next week.. so we talked about it.. then I tried calling Pam.. Pam is super BUSY :)) Haha! Like I called her for 50000000000000 bajillion times. :|:|:| NO ANSWER. Called her house=NOT YET HOME. :| I didn't give up :)) Called her every single minute of my day :)) Then at around 1pm, she answered! I WAS ECSTATIC! :)) YEY!!! The gates of heaven opened for me and so I called Tish and told her that Pam finally answered the phone!!! YEYYYY!!!
So like 230pm met up at 711..
Went to Gale.. Ate at Icebergs.. Bill was like 500 something something.. Ang tipid lang namin :)) Nagmerienda lang kami.. buti super tipid kami ngayon.. So there.. tatlo kami sa 500something something na yan. :) COOL! College girls know how to budget naaaa!! :)) 5pm pa yung start nung movie so it's like around 430pm, we went to buy a hoody. :) Then 5pm, watched BOLT I WAS again ECSTATIC! yeah yeah yeah.. And we were like VERY VERY VERY noisy from the very start of the movie to it's last minutes :)) nyahaha!! Then after bolt we were soo crazy we window shopped literally. :)) =)) craziest thang ever.. Played inside the Beauty Bar.. :)) There was this huge dresser with a lot of spray thing.. so we were like playing.. then Pam gets really naughty.. She sprayed a bronzer spray on Tish then Tish was badly sprayed on the pits of her shirt :)) =)) She actually wore a white shirt :)))))) CRAZY girls.. :)) haha!! The salesladies has this "WTF" on their faces.. so we went out.. decided to have dinner at Tiendesitas.. Kwentuhan about family, lovelife, college life, crushes, other family's life :)) hahaha! Tas mga 10something something.. went home!

MY DAY WITH MY TWO BFFS WAS GREAT!!
I just love it :))

Alright so I actually woke up really late for our service slash meeting yesterday! :)) haha!
Then like 12noon, Josh texted me and asked me if I could like come na.. Tas Naligo na ko.. then Blow dried my hair.. then yun.. Loooooong looooooong talks sa meeting.. Tas inabot kami ng mga 6pm na :)) hahaha! Super saya.. Then after the meeting, we went sa bahay ni Pau.. I was with ofcourse Pau, Josh, Mikey, Drew, Kuya Maki, Kuya Jhay, Dhave, Kuya Alder, Felix.. So yun.. saya saya namin :)) We ate a lot.. Kasi birthday celebration yun ni Pau.. Tas yun.. After namin mageat, we took a lot of pictures then we played. :)) and when I say play, super LARO talaga kami!! =)) we went out then we played patintero.. hahaha! =))
after nun, we played dart and then took more pictures then we played and took more pictures and went home.. :)) ahaha! Super fun fun fun talagaaaa!!! :))

I love my YFC family :>

I don't know how and where to start with this post.. but a lot of thought sure has been rumbling and rummaging inside my head.. Ideas pour and yes, the brain is faster than my hands.. This is the best I can do and there's like no other possible way to help myself do it as fast as my buhrrrain. :)) haha! Uhm,
what now?
I thought of FANTASIES and FANGIRLING and everything that's related to it. :|
It's soo fuckinnn funny but then again it's non-sense.. It doesn't even matter. :| :))
haha!

uhm.. off topic now.. What's wrong with wanting everyone happy?
Is that fantasy?
I lovvvve to make everyone happy if it means happiness :) like I mean TRUE happiness. :) I don't want giving out material stuffs just to make them happy.. It's like awkward and inappropriate.. :| But then, everyone in this world has this materialistic side, and I don't see anything wrong with it.. It's just that.. everyhting has been given up by now and yet nobody appreciates a single thing you have given. :| It's not that I'm speaking of material stuff here.. :| What I'm trying to point is that, nobody appreciates single efforts, things, small small things.. because there are a lot of unsatisfied issues. :| and it feels ever so wrong not to like appreciate small small things from a person..
Like a simple "hello" for me is very big. :| But not one would ever think it's as big as what I think. :| It's stupid. :|:|:|

Can we just be happy were alive?
That is just the point of every little drama I mentioned here. :|
I feel sorry because we don't even appreciate small things people do for us.. it's so sad. :| and we tend to over look.. :| just this once, can we just a little more appreciative.. Don't ignore people and be happy they are around you.. :|:|
I feel sick for all the people taken for granted.. don't neglect people nowwww.. :|

-New Planner! (: the one in fullybooked! :D
-CD collection of all my favorite movies!
-CHOCOLATESSSS!!!
-Lomo cam or SLR or DSLR.
-Laptop :)
-Dunks!
-new album of PNE
-PATD album too!

I watched "Election" a 1999 film (:
my movie collection has a new entry! yey! :)
so I'm planning to like buy all the cd's I want. :) yeaaahhh!!
This is like not practical, but yeah, I'm planning! :D haha!

--
Oh. school still sucks.. Except that.. I loved watching the life of Helen Keller :) yeaaah! (:

uhm..

I HATE people who are so much of a.. uhm.. secret :)) haha!
basta. naiinis ako. feeling GODLY hindi naman kase!
tapos puro ewan! :))

I can be very confusing or or.. or really really easy to understand..
there are times when I can be very very readable err transparent.. But then again, there can also be moments where you can't even get a clue on how and why or what's happening to me.. what I mean or what I'm trying to imply. :|
in short...

Okayyy..
So this entry is not based on MY own experience.. It's something we all have to learn.. and.. uhm.. I think, happened to almost everyone.. :) hihi.. (pa play safe pa eh :)) )

sooo.. uhm..

I found out that there's a difference between "US" and "YOU and ME"
There can always be the "you and me" part but there's rarely the "US" part.. :|
See? There's this literal meaning.. and it's kinda bugging me. ((: ahahah!!

Sorry if I can't elaborate it as much as I want.. But then again.. It's wayyy too hard for me to put the FEELINGS into WORDS when you don't even feel stable at the moment. :| :))
That's stupid. Oh well. :))

bottom line is..
I just want you all to know that there can be a BIG difference on the US and the YOU and ME part of life.. gets? ((:

Okay. So namimiss ko na maging highschool. Well, sino bang hindi diba? :|
gusto ko sanang maging detailed ang post na toh.. kaso pinapatulog na ko ng kuya ko. :(
maaga pa raw ako bukas.. Pero gagawin ko muna toh.. kahit maiksi lang.. :|

Masaya ko nung highschool.. :) Naging maswerte ko sa highschool status ko eh.. Newbie kasi ako nung grade6.. so parang fresh na fresh pa yung muka ko sa school.. Yung tipong kinikilala ko lahat ng tao. Maliit lang kasi yung school namin.. Kumbaga, tutok na tutok ang mga authorities sa mga estudyante, kilala ka lahat ng tao.. Well, may disadvantage yan.. Kasi pag gumawa ka ng kalokohan, kulang nalang may karatula na nakasabit sayo, tipong alam ng lahat ng tao yung ginawa mo :)) haha! Ayun. Maswerte ko.. Swerte sa kaibigan, sa ranking, sa status ng pagiging estudyante.. Maswerte dahil hindi ako kagaya ng mga geeks na binubully.. oh ewan.. Naranasan ko din yatang maging crush ng maraming lalaki.. :)) Naranasan ko din pala na makipagaway emotionally.. Hindi physically ah!
Ayos din ako nung highschool kasi isa ko sa mga kilalang tao talaga, kahit na lahat naman sa school namin kilala eh. :)) gets? Bibo kid kasi ako noon.. At nagtitiwala ang mga titser sakin.. Basta. Kaya siguro masaya highschool life ko :)

First year ako ng mainlababo ako.. First year ako ng unang maguidance ako.. Same year nung mabuo ang barkada ko :) ang saya.. First year ang simula ng lahat... :)
Second year ako ng matuto akong maging tarantado talaga.. second year din ako ng naging super galing ako sa pagaaral.. Narewardan ang studies ko ng mga honor honor.. :) yun din yung year na nagsimula akong tumaba. :)) hindi na ko payatot! :))
Third year natuto akong gumimick.. natuto akong late umuwi.. natuto akong magsinungaling.. :)) haha! marami din new friends.. First prom ko.. Firsts lahat halos..
Fourth year ako ng naging malungkot ako.. Medyo nagrebelde ako.. Naging magulo buhay ko.. Natuto ako ng lahat ng karebeldehan.. Maraming nalink sakin.. Nagkaron ako ng first community service dahil sa katarantaduhang ginawa ko at nadisqualify ako sa isang award na inaasam asam ko. :( ang saya pa rin naman ng huling taon.. huling retreat.. huling intrams.. huling lahat..

Nung graduation, masaya pa rin kami ng mga kabatch ko.. Hindi ko alam, yun na pala yung huling pagsasama sama namin.. Akala ko sabi sabi lang.. akala ko magkikita kita pa rin kami.. Pero narealize ko.. Hindi ko na pala talaga sila makakasama tulad ng dati..
May mga tao nga na nung graduation ko pa huling nakita at nakausap.. Ang lungkot. :(
hindi ko na pala sila makakasama ulit.. Lalo na yung si Bes ko. :( Nasa canada na sya.. :( hayy buhayyy.. :|:|
lumelevel up na kasi kami.. college na kami..

Kung pwede lang balik balikan lahat eh.. :((
hayyy..

sorry kung ang sentimental masyado ng atmosphere ng blog ko..
namimiss ko na ang highschool days ko..
namimiss ko na ang barkada ko..
friends ko..
kabatch ko..
teachers ko..
namimiss ko na utusan..
pagalitan..
ma.late sa class..
matulog sa class..
kumain sa class..
magkalat sa school..
magpaconfiscate ng phone at iba pang gadgets..
miss ko na din magpamotivate.. :)) :">
miss ko na yung highschool crush ko :">:">:">
..crush ko pa din sya ngayon..
miss ko na lahat ng party at burol na pinuntahan namin..
miss ko na lahat!!!! :(

hayyy.. nakakamiss talaga! :(